stradlater.org

bad news

2008-01-24T23:17:00.000-08:00

every time i get a bit of bad news, i head over to the mall to check out the kittens at this store called 'Pet Habitat.'
their slogan is "Come find a new friend." they also have fish, and birds too.

all the kittens sleep on top of one another. it's really something, these kittens. you should see them.

the best thing you will ever hear or see in this world.

2007-11-28T18:17:00.000-08:00

Sensual Seduction.

It doesn't get any better than this.

Is there anybody out there?

2007-11-25T16:28:00.000-08:00

So I've been away awhile.

Here are some things that have happened:

1. I got married.

2. I went to the Mont Saint Sauveur water slides.

3. All these guys took the train at the same time.

I would have waited for the next one.

Americana

2007-07-07T10:16:00.000-07:00

My brother Dan and my friend Ed invited me to take a little road trip last week, down to the Gorge Amphitheater in George, Washington, to see Willie Nelson's Fourth of July Picnic concert. Willie has been putting on these shows every Fourth of July for about the last thirty years, but this was to be the first time the show was held outside of Texas. As I weighed my options, I could feel Willie's hot, stoned breath in my ear. "You'd have to be 'Crazy' not to get 'On the Road Again' and head down to my Fourth of July Picnic!" This was not a decision that even needed to be made. It just was.

So we piled into the old car and headed south the night of July 3rd. Hopes were high. We crossed the border without incident. Fireworks exploded across the horizon and $5.00 six-packs were purchased at a gas station. For a carload of Canadians, this was a defining moment. America the beautiful, indeed.

After spending the night in Seattle, we continued southeast in a three car convoy down the I-90. Historic, tourist-friendly towns rolled by in a cloud of dust. Roslyn, Cle Elum, Ellensburg - we didn't care. We just kept driving.

It was just past noon when we pulled into the campground at the Gorge and set up lean-tos in the crab grass. The sun beat down mercilessly upon us. Sunscreen was applied haphazardly. A group of fellow travelers from Gonzaga University invited us to toast Old Glory at their four foot tall hookah pipe. We declined.

The heat got worse as the day went on. We had one-thousand cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon on ice. We were determined to see this one through, no matter the consequences. Hazy speculation was the order of the afternoon. When would Willie take the stage? What did freedom really mean? How quickly could Graham drink a 40 ounce bottle of Budweiser?

We headed down to the Amphitheater as the sun began to set, sweating profusely. From the grassy knoll where we chose to sat, the performers looked like tiny, patriotic ants. The Columbia River Basin loomed in the background, enormous, like a patron of one of the all-you-can-eat restaurants we had passed by on the drive through Washington State.

Hours began to blend together. Fatigue was a factor. Two drunk Caucasian brothers seated behind us called each other "faggot niggers" and started a fight. They were wrapped in a tight embrace, punching wildly as they careened down the steep embankment. I locked eyes with my own brother at that moment, and we both knew what that gaze signified. This, my brother, is AMERICA - land of the free, home of the brave.

I awoke from a bout of heatstroke several hours later to the excited cheers of my adopted countrymen. Willie was about to take the stage. Though our seats were at least fifteen miles from where he stood, I could see Willie's braids fluttering gently in the breeze off the Columbia. And as the first strains of 'Whiskey River' carried across the Gorge, I thought of Betsy Ross. She might have sat on her front porch, on a night just like this, putting the finishing touches on the old stars and stripes. How many cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon could Betsy Ross have consumed that fateful day? That question is best asked in America, dear friends, as Betsy would have been secure in the knowledge that one of the inalienable rights of the American citizen is being being able to purchase three of anything for the price of two.

God bless us, everyone, and God bless America.

Don't Copy That Floppy!

2007-07-07T10:14:00.000-07:00

This is pretty good. Make sure you watch the bits around the four minute mark.

yup.

2007-06-12T23:35:00.000-07:00

what does fiscal '08 have in store for this guy?

2007-05-28T18:21:00.000-07:00

At work today we had a fiscal '08 forecast meeting.

In my mind I started to apply the yardsticks by which we measure success at work to my own life.

Will I meet or exceed my targets in fiscal '08? Which way am I trending in fiscal '08? I don't know.

Joan can't even understand the concept of the fiscal year. To be honest, she only recently wrapped her head around a conventional calendar. Cath is trending well in fiscal '08. She is officially a lawyer now. She is at, like, 163% of target right now. Cath was beautiful at her bar ceremony. She wore barrister's robes. She could put the SYSTEM on trial, if she wanted to.

Does my buying a new jacket constitute some degree of success in fiscal '08? Or, does the failure of my previous jacket say anything re: the potential liability of my aging infrastructure? I need to be more pro-active in fiscal '08, that's for sure.

What does fiscal '08 have in store for this guy? For any of us?

weekend update.

2007-05-20T12:22:00.000-07:00

Cath and I went to the Joel Plaskett Emerency show at the Commodore on Friday.

I almost got into a fight with a member of the Alpha Sigma Douchebag fraternity when I bumped into his shoulder on the floor in front of the stage. Keep in mind that the Commodore is a concert hall that holds one-thousand people, and that this was a rock show. We didn't get a photo in the heat of the moment, but this is rough approximation of what he looked like:

Cath diffused the situation by asking him what kind of hair gel he used or something. But I couldn't help wondering - how would these guys like it if nerds like me started showing up at Nickelback or Three Days Grace shows?

I'm going to start going to the gym and monopolizing all the free weights. This is an all out turf war, bitches.

Dan and Ed can turn you on to some great music!

2007-05-09T21:49:00.000-07:00

My brother Dan and my friend Ed Peters really have a broad knowledge base when it comes to country music. They have recently turned me on to an artist by the name of JAN TERRI that first made waves on the country and western scene a few years back. Below is her 1993 video for the song "Baby Blues." This song was a minor hit with country music purists in the early 90's, and I only wish I could have known about it at the time. For country music fans, JAN TERRI is an artist on par with the Kurt Cobains of the mainstream music world.

Thanks Dan and Ed.

a story.

2007-05-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

A pioneer family, the Smith family, were traveling across the prairies in a horse drawn carriage to find some land and start a new life. Only the wife got trampled by some stampeding buffalo when she was down washing some shirts near the river. The family were heartbroken, of course, but they had to continue on. And John Smith, he had three young daughters to care for now, and he wasn’t about to give up. There were some tough times, for sure, and some humourous times too, like when John had to figure out how to braid the girls’ hair etc., but they got through it.

Then one night this Indian woman fell off her horse outside that log cabin that John Smith had built and she had a broken arm etc., so being the kindhearted people that they were, the Smith family took her in and nursed her back to health. And they started calling the Indian Sunflower, on account of she had a sunflower design on her moccasins. Even though she couldn’t speak the white man’s language, you guessed it, they became one big happy family, and Sunflower got healthy and she and John Smith fell in love. She even learned a bit of English! Well, her father, Chief something, had assumed for eight months that his daughter was dead, but then her old boyfriend, a very handsome Indian, was riding out on the range and he saw Sunflower living with the Smith family, and he reported it to the chief. The chief rode over there right away, and it took almost four days riding, and he could speak some English, so he said that he was grateful to John Smith for caring for his daughter, but that she could not love a white man because she had to be queen of the tribe, and keep their tribe’s heritage alive or some such thing.

Anyways, it took some time, but eventually John Smith won over the chief, and he and Sunflower moved over with John’s daughters to Indian country and they all shared their knowledge and actually created this great irrigation system to grow corn more efficiently. And John’s daughters did this cute thing where they painted their faces Indian style and everybody laughed.

Pussycat Dolls transcript

2007-04-24T21:04:00.000-07:00

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha

Fight the feeling (fight the feeling)
Leave it alone (leave it alone)
Cause if it ain't love
It just aint enough to leave my happy home (my happy home)
Let's keep it friendly (let's keep it friendly)
You have to play fair (you have to play fair)
See I dont care
But I know She ain't gonna wanna share

[Chorus:]
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha

totally X-Treme sports, other X-Treme endeavours.

2007-04-14T11:29:00.002-07:00

Yesterday Cath and I went up to Grouse Mountain. Cath is learning to snowboard, and last night she had a real breakthrough. The word 'carving' would not have been entirely out of place up there.

To get to the top of Grouse Mountain, for those who are not familiar with the area, you have to take a gondola/tram type of thing. There is a hilarious moment when the pimply conductor of the Grouse Mountain Super Skyride goes through his memorized rules and regulations over the tram's loudspeaker. I can't do it justice, but imagine James Earl Jones speaking quickly saying 'PLEASE TURN YOUR ATTENTION TO THE EXCLUSION OF LIABILITY AND ASSUMPTION OF RISK AGREEMENT ON THE BACK OF YOUR SUPER SKYRIDE LIFT TICKET,' only James Earl Jones is fifteen, obviously tired and bored, and pretty solidly stoned.

I was back on skis for the first time in a long time. On one of our last rides up the chairlift last night, I started to realize that I really enjoy skiing. I don't know
why I ever stopped skiing, really. And then that opened up a whole other line of thought for me - what other totally X-Treme sports had I abandoned in my youth, thereby potentially robbing myself of decades of totally X-Treme enjoyment?

It opened up a whole can of worms for Cath and I. Had we really lost the sense X-Treme-ness we had enjoyed during our courtship? Were those times when we stayed up all night, tattooing swear words into each other's arms with rusty nails just a distant memory?

As we discussed this, Catherine drifted off to sleep. I went online and did my taxes. I can't be sure, but I'd be willing to bet she dreamt of drained, abandoned swimming pools; they were hers to shred, straight on 'til morning.

What Is It?

2007-04-14T11:29:00.001-07:00

you decide.

long weekend.

2007-04-05T17:32:00.000-07:00

This is how Christopher Columbus must have felt, when he looked out on the horizon and saw nothing but the Atlantic stretching out in front of him.

Being on the cusp of a four-day weekend is MOST like which of the following:

a) Finding twenty dollars in your old jacket
b) Watching a kitten and a puppy play together, in the sun, not even recognizing the fact they are cats and dogs, but just ENJOYING THEIR TIME TOGETHER
c) When you are camping and you get to the liquor store in some small town after it has already closed but you knock on the door and the guy lets you in
d) A really good sandwich
e) All of the above

Anyways, I always look forward to long weekends. They provide an opportunity to be away from work for more than just a couple of days.

I am ashamed, but WHY I am ashamed?

2007-04-05T17:17:00.000-07:00

Yes, today I have posted an Alanis Morissette video.

I had this feeling once before. It was the day in the eighth grade when I wore denim overalls with the straps hanging down, swinging around wildly as I walked. I knew there was something that wasn't quite right about doing it, but I'll be damned if I didn't just go for it anyway.

Could you leave comments with regards to:

a) What do you think about this?
b) Is this funny?

Later tonight I will post footage of a kitten chasing its' own tail, or some such thing.

Sunday.

2007-03-25T10:26:00.000-07:00

Sunday is generally quite a good day for me.

It's not even eleven a.m yet, and I have already put in a load of laundry and had some coffee. As for the rest of the day, the sky is truly the limit.

For me, a Sunday is like a 'wildie' that Dan and Ed might track in the deep woods. Elusive? Yes. Majestic? Certainly. And worth the wait. Yes, how like a 'wildie' is this Sunday, already galloping away from me though it feels as if it has just begun.

Catherine has a new office with a window and a nameplate. From her window she can see the North Shore mountains and Lion's Gate Bridge. I wonder what she thinks about when she looks out that window? I think she dreams of Sundays with me, or else dim sum.

From my cubicle I can see the Real Canadian Superstore on Kingsway. If I crane my neck I can see into the common kitchen area, where people often post threatening, carefully-typed messages reminding their co-workers not to leave dirty dishes in the sink.

Yes, Sundays are to be enjoyed.

viva el socialismo!

2007-03-20T18:50:00.000-07:00

Catherine and I recently travelled to the Granma province of southeastern Cuba.

We stayed in a remote area near the town of Pilon, where we engaged in such traditional Cuban activities as ordering hot dogs from the poolside snackbar and playing an afternoon game of bingo with 50 sunburned, hungover Quebecers.

Despite being a foreigner, I was able to nab second place in a traditonal "Best Tan Lines" competition. My fifteen-minute grand finale, which actually caused several female audience members to collapse in excitement, is already something of a local legend. Fortunately, Cath was able to maintain her composure long enough to record the following video clip.

This is a picture we took in an elementary school in the the middle of a field near our resort. Oddly enough, right after we took this picture, Angelina Jolie adopted three of these kids!

We rented a horse and carriage and cruised around a bit. This is a picture of me with our escort that day, Guillermo.

Guillermo took us to a waterfall in the mountains. Local kids go there and cool off in the river on hot days. Cath took some video of them doing some jumps - this was pretty much the best thing we saw.

Guillermo was an amazing, generous guy. He wanted to give us a taste of the "real" Cuba, so he told us about a local game that's almost as popular as baseball! It's tough to translate exactly, but in English it would be be called something like "plow the field." Here is a picture of me playing "plow the field." In fact, I played by myself for an entire afternoon while Guillermo sat by the pool with Cath and drank pina coladas. Mi casa es su casa!

This is Cath and I on a boat.

This is Catherine on the beach.

Buenos noches, amigos!

internet pirates.

2007-03-18T12:47:00.000-07:00

So it would seem that I have become the latest victim of heartless internet pirates.

I feel violated. I used to think of the internet as my special little place.

In any case, stradlater.net is dead. Long live stradlater.org!

Letter to the editor.

2007-02-05T18:51:00.000-08:00

Recently I was down with the flu. I like to make the most of my sick time, so I started writing angry, self-righteous letters of disgust to local newspapers.

One of them was published here.

The Dears on Letterman

2007-01-29T17:37:00.000-08:00

Featuring Paul Shaffer on keys. Outstanding.

Joan has been spayed.

2007-01-26T12:43:00.000-08:00

In female animals, spaying involves abdominal surgery to remove the ovaries and uterus (ovariohysterectomy). The surgery is usually performed through a ventral (belly) midline incision below the umbilicus (belly button). The incision size varies depending upon the surgeon and the size of the animal. The uterine horns are identified and the ovaries are found by following the horns to their ends.

Joan has been asked to wear an "Elizabethan-style" collar, but has thus far refused.

She is trying to pull out her stitches with her teeth! Why would she want to do this? I'm not a doctor, but let's leave this to the professionals, hey Joan?

Last night, Joan sang softly in my ear. Her voice was exceptional; it had a childlike and other-worldly flexibility and treble pitch, like the eunuch castrati of the seventeenth century.

Forgive me, Joan. Forgive me for the horrible thing that I have done.

Nice

2007-01-12T22:12:00.000-08:00

So you've seen this already. At least I am providing something good for you to watch.

Ed Arnold divulges secret family meatball recipe! (and other holiday photos)

2006-12-28T10:43:00.000-08:00

Here are some recent holiday photos. I have taken the liberty of adding famous motivational captions to each photo. Enjoy.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
-Edmund Burke-

There are costs and risks to a program of action, but they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction.
-John F. Kennedy-

I think one's feelings waste themselves in words; they ought all to be distilled into actions which bring results.
-Florence Nightingale-

Drive thy business, or it will drive thee.
-Benjamin Franklin-

You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind.
-Irish Proverb-

Lists.

2006-12-28T09:36:00.000-08:00

Is this narcissistic?

Here are the best records I bought in the last year or so.

Neko Case - Fox Confessor Brings the Flood
The Dears - Gang of Losers
Band of Horses - Everything All the Time
The Meligrove Band - Planets Conspire
Malajube - Trompe-l'Oeil
Sloan - Never Hear the End Of It
MF Doom - Special Herbs: The Box Set Vol. 0-9
The Strokes - First Impressions of Earth
Al Tuck - My Blues Away

Here are my favourite songs of the year. I am not ashamed of any of these.

Al Tuck - February's Snow
The Dears - Ticket To Immortality
Band of Horses - The Funeral
Gwen Stefani - Wind It Up
Blood Meridian - Work Hard, For What?
Nelly Furtado - Say It Right
Sloan - Fading Into Obscurity

Here are the best live shows I saw this year.

Death Cab For Cutie/Franz Ferdinand @ Pacific Coliseum
I don't even like Death Cab but this show ruled - maybe because Lindsay came with me. I bought the new Franz
Ferdinand record on the strength of their performance. Note: it was better live.

Ladytron/CSS @ Richards
Cathie was right all along. Ladytron are good.

The Dears @ Richards
Is there a better band right now?

Tom Green and the Keepin' It Real Crew @ The Commodore/Elixir in Kingston, ON
The Vancouver show was sold out and hilarious. The Kingston show had ten people in the audience and was hilarious.

Teenage Fanclub @ The Red Room
The number of "classic" awesome singles this band has is unbelievable. They could play five hours and you'd still have
songs to be mad that they didn't play.

Final Fantasy @ UBC Norm Theatre
Totally unique. Songs that are annoying on record sound amazing live. The best use of an overhead projector I have ever
seen.

Sloan @ The Commodore
This is the tightest they have ever been.

Here are the most disappointing records I bought in the last year or so.

Jurassic 5 - Feedback
The Streets - The Hardest Way To Make An Easy Living
Willie Nelson - Countryman
Stephen Malkmus - Face the Truth

Here are the best movies I saw this year.

Borat
For Your Consideration
Brick
The Departed
The Devil and Daniel Johnston
Sympathy For Lady Vengeance

Here are the best books I read (or re-read) this year.

Ryan Arnold - The Coward Files
David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Jonathan Franzen - How To Be Alone
Haruki Murakami - The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle/Norwegian Wood (tie)

Here are my favourite food and beverages of the year.

Red Stripe beer
cabbage rolls
Twix bars
Diet Coke
Diet Pepsi
Coke
coffee
Hawaiian pizza
Cath's bocconcini salad

I am glad that this is out of my system. Happy new year, everyone!

Picking Up Babes.

2006-11-27T15:03:00.000-08:00

Although I am already spoken for (sorry, ladies!), I still like to help friends out whenever I can with picking up babes. These videos employ a lot of the same techniques I used to land myself a nice gal, and I urge all of you single guys out there to use your own inner "Eagle Eye." Happy hunting, fellas!

Snow day! Snow day!

2006-11-27T14:21:00.000-08:00

The Dears pIay a show tonight at Richard's on Richards.

And I didn't have to go to work today, on account of all the snow. Joan and I have spent the majority of the day shirking our responsibilities. We're just two drifters, off to see the world. There's such a lot of world to see! We're after the same rainbow's end, waiting 'round the bend... Joan, my huckleberry friend.

Democrats win majority in House, Senate: Joan Continues to Grow at an Exponential Rate

2006-11-11T11:56:00.000-08:00

Meet the new speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi.

Joan continues to develop a slightly left of centre political world view. She likes Hilary Clinton in 2008. As for this Belinda Stronach/Ralph Klein thing, don't get her started. Don't even get her started.

David Sedaris.

2006-11-06T15:20:00.000-08:00

Last Wednesday, Cath and I went to see David Sedaris read as a part of the Vancouver International Writer's Fest. He's a pretty hilarious guy, and his reading lived up to all of our expectations. This is an essay he read that night; it's from a feature for Esquire Magazine, where they asked him to talk about fashion accessories for men. If you like this you should read his book "Me Talk Pretty One Day." You should read all his books.

"WITH A PAL LIKE THIS, YOU DON'T NEED AN ENEMY."

I’ve always liked the idea of accessories, those little pick-me-ups designed to invigorate what has come to feel drab and predictable. A woman might rejuvenate her outfit with a vintage Hermes scarf or a jaunty rope belt, but the options for men aren’t nearly as interesting. I have no use for cuff links or suspenders, and while I’ll occasionally pick up a new tie, it hardly leaves me feeling “kicky.” Hidden accessories can do the trick, but, again, they’re mainly the province of women. Garter belt and lingerie–yes. Sock garter and micro brief–no.

It was my search for something discreet, masculine, and practical that led me to the Stadium Pal, an external catheter currently being marketed to sports fans, truck drivers, and anyone else who’s tired of searching for a bathroom. At first inspection, the device met all my criteria. Was it masculine? Yes, and proudly so. Knowing that no sensible female would ever voluntarily choose to pee in her pants, the manufacturers went ahead and designed the product exclusively for men. Unlike a regular catheter, which is inserted directly into the penis, the Stadium Pal connects by way of a self-adhesive condom, which is then attached to a flexible plastic tube. Urine flows through the tube and collects in the “Freedom Leg Bag,” conveniently strapped to the user’s calf. The bag can be emptied and reused up to twelve times, making it both disgusting and cost-effective. Was it discreet? According to the brochure, unless you wore it with shorts, no one needed to know anything about it. Was it practical? At the time, yes. I don’t drive or attend football games, but I did have a book tour coming up, and the possibilities were endless. Five glasses of iced tea followed by a long public reading? Thanks, Stadium Pal. The window seat on an overbooked cross-country flight? Don’t mind if I do!

I ordered myself a Stadium Pal and soon realized that, while it might make sense in a hospital, it really wasn’t very practical for day-to-day use. In an open-air sporting arena, a piping-hot thirty-four-ounce bag of urine might go unnoticed, but not so in a stuffy airplane or a small, crowded bookstore. An hour after christening it, I smelled like a nursing home. On top of that, I found that it was hard to pee and do other things at the same time. Reading out loud, discussing my dinner options with the flight attendant, checking into a fine hotel: Each activity required its own separate form of concentration, and while no one knew exactly what I was up to, it was pretty clear that something was going on. I think it was my face that gave me away. That and my oddly swollen calf.

What ultimately did me in was the self-adhesive condom. Putting it on was no problem, but its removal qualified as what, in certain cultures, is known as a bris. Wear it once and you’ll need a solid month in order to fully recover. It will likely be a month in which you’ll weigh the relative freedom of peeing in your pants against the unsightly discomfort of a scab-covered penis, ultimately realizing that, in terms of a convenient accessory, you’re better off with a new watchband.

Joan.

2006-10-23T00:20:00.000-07:00

Please allow me to introduce Joan.

Full name is Joan Rivers Mix-Graham.

Likes? So far, scratching the hell out of things, hiding under the couch.

Dislikes? Car rides.

We bought Joan at a pet store on Burrard Street. She cost more than our microfiber loveseat, which is ironic because she is destroying the microfiber loveseat as I write this.

Joan is a blue point Himalayan cat. She may live to be 20 years old, unless she jumps off the balcony while we are at work tomorrow.

I wonder if Joan likes me? What will Joan do all day?

I keep thinking about how Joan has never tasted any fried foods. Would Joan like fried foods?

Yes, Joan is truly a blank canvas. Godspeed, Joan.

high school reunion.

2006-10-20T00:40:00.000-07:00

This guy took a picture of himself every day for six years. It seems especially poignant as I head to my ten year high school reunion on Saturday.

Yes sir, one day closer to the old GR.

Oh well.

news & tributes

2006-09-21T17:03:00.000-07:00

first, this man installed a new stereo into our 1990 Honda Civic.

he did a nice job, and we are grateful to him for it. my commute now has a beat that just won't back down.

second, the new Sloan record came out on Tuesday. it is great.

there is a song on there, called 'Set In Motion,' that I think you will like. there are a lot of other good songs, too.

is this the season of good records or something? The Dears 'Gang of Losers' also came out recently. it is so good that you'll wish you were associated with it, in some way.

cath and I went to see Final Fantasy at ubc on Tuesday night. it was the best show that I have ever seen that incorporated an overhead projector into it, along with the looping of violin parts. before the show we ate in the "sub" which is the cool way that students say 'student union building.' cath kept getting confused between "sub" meaning 'student union building' and "sub" meaning sandwich. it was kind of embarrassing.

tonight my friend and co-worker Jon Sanders has invited to me to see a "performance" by a disc jockey called Z-Trip. apparently, this Z-Trip fellow takes pre-recorded songs and "mixes" them together, creating an entirely new sound that is pleasing to the ears. we'll see, Jon. we'll see.

i have a new job. if you must refer to me in a professional capacity, please use 'key accounts rep.' as in, i am personally responsible for MORE THAN ONE ACCOUNT.

my ankle has almost healed. the body's regenerative power is truly humbling - not! should this really have taken six weeks? i have been making sarcastic comments to my body the entire time - things like "nice job healing, guy."

finally, i am awaiting the arrival of a new cellular phone. my current cellular phone has not been working for quite some time - apparently it has been having difficulty bouncing digital signals off of a satellite, or something. have any of my acquaintances even noticed that I am incommunicado?

stay cool forever,
DM.

new Sloan "Fading Into Obscurity"

2006-08-17T18:41:00.000-07:00

any doubts?

here.

I broke my ankle.

2006-08-15T18:03:00.000-07:00

They have fitted me with a robocop-esque boot cast for the next six weeks. I have been sent from the future to look out for truth and justice, etc.

Catherine specific info: please pick up an exfoliating stone and some anti-odour foot cast powder on the way home from work. Bring on the spongebaths!

Sympathy calls appreciated/expected.

Also, I am planning on doing some Jimmy Stewart in 'Rear Window' type voyeurism over the next six weeks from the balcony at the apartment. Does anyone have some high-powered binoculars I could borrow? Does anyone have the number for Meals On Wheels?

Cabin Fever 2006: Heritage Classic at Finchy Dune

2006-07-25T11:24:00.000-07:00


It was a brotherhood of twelve men on a frozen pond.

2006-07-18T23:08:00.000-07:00

Reverend Alecia

holy cow.

Who Taught You To Live Like That?

2006-07-18T12:11:00.000-07:00

Sloan's new single "Who Taught You To Live Like That?" is now available for FREE download at the iTunes music store. A real return to form in my opinion - very Beatles-esque.

'so do you have any pet peeves?'

2006-07-16T23:27:00.000-07:00

well, i haven't been writing much in here, so i have decided to treat this like it's a job, where i have a boss and where a certain amount of work is expected to be done. so we are going to start having themes around here and we are going to start dealing with issues.

i think if i wrote for the 'north shore news' or 'burnaby now' or some such small newspaper, i might write a column about pet peeves. the headline would be 'so do you have any pet peeves?' and in the article i would outline my pet peeves, and relate it to the readership with a line like 'we all have pet peeves so we should be aware of them and embrace the diversity of pet peeves in our community.'

maybe i would number them.

1. MISPRONUNCIATION OF KETCHUP, OR SHERBET.
this is when people say "catch-up" or even "kats-up." what are the origins of this pronunciation? and a lot of people love to say "sher-beRt." where did that extra 'R' come from? i really hate this.

2. WHEN PEOPLE LET DOGS LICK THEM ON THE MOUTH.
turn your head and let them lick your ear or the side of your face, please. also, is a dog really 'kissing' you when it licks you? when a dog is licking its genitals would you say it is 'kissing' its own genitals? supposedly they lick their genitals to 'clean' them. but why do dogs care if they have clean genitals, as they often eat their own feces! and why would a dog want to kiss you, or have any concept of what kissing is?

3. RADIO DJ'S WHO USE 'TEASERS' BEFORE GOING TO COMMERCIAL.
do you know what i mean here? when they can't just tell you which song is coming up after the commercial, but they have to make it into a trivia question. like they'll say "coming up after the break, a band who only ate nachos for a year!" or "up next, a singer that used to work as a furniture mover!" and then you wait through the commercial and it ends up being 'ridin' dirty' by chamillionaire.

4. 'RIDIN' DIRTY,' BY CHAMILLIONAIRE.

5. WHEN PEOPLE IN OUR BUILDING COMPLAIN ABOUT THE ELEVATOR BEING BROKEN DOWN (this one is from cath).
although i can't say i am feeling this one as it is pretty annoying when the elevator never works.

so, do you have any pet peeves? maybe leave your pet peeves in the comments section, and if there are any good ones i will put them up for further discussion. and let me know what you think about 'themes' too. tomorrow's theme? probably it will be "initial impressions of the loveseat" or "just how durable is microfiber?" or else "why do people like fireworks so much?"

the new loveseat.

2006-07-16T23:20:00.000-07:00

i can't sleep right now. i often have trouble sleeping, but this time it is for a legitimate reason. the new loveseat is being delivered tomorrow!

it is made of 'microfiber,' which means it is highly stain resistant. i will probably watch some great television from the comfort of my new microfiber loveseat. if i melt cheese on a bagel i will eat it on the loveseat, maybe with a bottle of beer.

when it arrives, i wonder, how will my life be different? will i sit more, or will i just sit differently? hard to say. one thing that i think i will do is sit up straight. i can't picture myself slouching as much as i do on our current old couch. but this may pass, as i become familiar with the loveseat.

yes, the loveseat will be here tomorrow. it really is hard to believe.

2006-07-11T20:30:00.000-07:00

Are you lonesome tonight?

Elvis wasn't. He had his pills to keep him company.

2006-06-20T11:48:00.000-07:00

man oh man.

i can't take credit for finding this, but at the 2:37 mark, there is something you have to see.

It's a Gormsabration!

2006-06-02T17:22:00.000-07:00

Come celebrate Gorms as he continues the slow, steady march towards his inevitable death.

Saturday, 9pm onward, Doolin's (Granville at Nelson).

bed, bath... beyond!

2006-05-29T16:12:00.000-07:00

first, an apology for the lack of posts recently. i have been concentrating on home furnishings, home decor, and antiquing.

in fact, only yesterday i was rummaging around at a yard sale when i unearthed an absolutely gorgeous brass gilded mahogany end table. the finish was the deepest, most sumptuous oak, and it goes so famously with our teal and chocolate throw pillows that it makes you just want to die. when i saw the table, i actually started trying to slit my wrists with an antique letter opener. this table is that nice. anyway, cath wrestled me to the ground and we ended up getting the table AND the letter opener. life is funny sometimes.

a lot of people have been asking me, "Hey, Dave, what's it like to be engaged?" and I have to say, it's nice. a typical day might begin with your fiancee brewing a pot of organic, shade grown, fair trade coffee (bird friendly, of course). then, probably some antiquing and a cobb salad for lunch. we'll generally hit a couple of home furnishing factory outlets in the afternoon before chopping up some fresh fruits and veggies from the farmer's market for a nice homemade salsa. i remember in my bachelor days, i'd buy salsa at the grocery store. when i think of all the store bought salsa i used to eat, it makes me sick. it really does.

so, as you can probably tell, engaged life agrees with this guy just fine. i would like to thank everyone who took the time to send us a note of congratulations. all the kind words were greatly appreciated. i have printed out all the emails and i am currently in the process of delicately singeing all the edges of the paper to give them a "weathered" look. i am going to display all of these notes in a homemade scrapbook with some pressed flowers on the coffee table. next time you come over, feel free to flip through it. but please, remember to use a coaster.

our new throw pillows, from the "Words to Live By" collection. each pillow is hand-etched by a blind seamstress in Peru with words like "love" or "fidelity." couldn't you just eat them up?

big news.

2006-05-14T16:20:00.000-07:00

Yup, it's official. Catherine Graham has officially signed a long term deal. Terms were not disclosed.

We are off to San Francisco for a few days to celebrate. See you for drinks (and more frequent updates) when we get back.

Boston Phoenix 100 Unsexiest Men

2006-04-20T14:21:00.000-07:00

Alternative weekly paper The Boston Phoenix recently published its' inaugural '100 Unsexiest Men' list. Being the voracious pop culture reader that I am, I couldn't help myself and took a look at the list.

Number One?

Gilbert Gottfried. Not a surprise.

Number Six?

Dr. Phil. This was not exactly a shocker, either.

And then, at number eighty-four... my heart skipped a beat. It was ME!

DAVE MIX.

It's clear to me now that the editorial staff at The Phoenix have made some sort of terrible mistake. Look at those eyes - gently upturned as if to say "Hold me." The form - as if cut from the finest Corinthian marble. Now, I'm the first to admit that perhaps I don't fit into the trendy definition of sexy. I suppose my "urban outdoorsman" look doesn't fit in with the twenty-first century's androgynous heroin chic beauty ideal. I guess my rough, unkempt and dangerous appeal might frighten some women, and certainly some men. I suppose I may harken back to the golden age of Hollywood, when men were men, and dames were dames.

You know what, world? You can keep your pretty boy Jon Secadas and your delicate Orlando Blooms!

Give me the Cary Grants, the John Waynes, the Humphrey Bogarts of the world!

Give me the DAVE MIXES, damnit.

The entire article is here, if you really want to see it.

The Coward Files

2006-04-11T23:18:00.000-07:00

We couldn't be happier to announce that Ryan Arnold's debut collection of short stories, 'The Coward Files,' has been accepted for publication by conundrum press.

Please visit the official site for details. And even though it's not out yet, why not let conundrum press know how excited you are about it?

gorms likes cardinals.

2006-04-10T15:04:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture of Gorms holding his pet cardinal, Jeff.

There are three things Gorms really likes about Jeff:

1) His nesting instinct
2) The way he helps control the silkworm population
3) His plumage

Due to his disdain for the eagle, Gorms has been banned from the upcoming Easter Extreme Camping Adventure and Wildie Hunt, or EECAWH.

Say that acronym loudly. "EECAWH! EECAWH!" Sounds like an eagle to me.

Brothers, regale!

2006-04-06T20:52:00.000-07:00

As Harlem continues its quest for yet another championship, I thought I would leave you with this stirring image of three brothers.

They are the "power forwards" of the wilderness, friends. Where we seek goals and assists, these brothers seek simply to soar with infinite majesty.

Yet are we really so different? Are we really so far from one another?

prom aftermath.

2006-04-04T23:44:00.000-07:00

sometimes they just get things right. as predicted, d. mix and c. graham were named prom king and queen. here is a shot of us just before our coronation...

we had a very good time.

cath has a very solid crew in the limestone city. praise be to sarah, elena, pam, andrew, emily, pat, jeff, mel and victoria for taking excellent care of the kid and being so nice.

here the big c and sarah get down...

this shot is me and cath and sarah at the tom green/keepin' it real crew show in january...

we were featured on famed kingston website barshots.ca... did you ever play that game 'which of these things does not belong'?

in the end, c. graham rules. see you soon kid.

Best records I have bought recently.

2006-04-04T17:56:00.000-07:00

Honourable mention to Cat Power 'The Greatest' and Giant Drag 'Hearts and Unicorns' but these kick recent ass.

Islands 'Return to the Sea'

Neko Case 'Fox Confessor Brings the Flood'

The Meligrove Band 'Planets Conspire'

Also we have THE JOEL PLASKETT EMERGENCY May 5th Dicks on Dicks. I have tickets for Yads, Dan and Ed, so if you are not them you better get your ticket.

It's PROM NIGHT!

2006-04-01T08:03:00.000-08:00

Tonight is the big Queen's Law prom. There are all sorts of rumours going around that Cath and I may be crowned King and Queen, but I never like to assume anything...

Well, I've got news for you - if it happens, this wouldn't be the first time we've been honoured. Here is a photo of our coronation ceremony at Concordia Prom 2001. Can you believe Cath's hair? It's obvious I've been hitting the gym since then too. Ah, memories.

I'm also excited to meet all of Cath's school chums. Here is a photo of all of them at last year's Fall Harvest Dance (thanks Dave Suchon for the photo). If looks are anything to go by, I think we are all going to have a great night!

Leprechauns! Leprechauns!

2006-03-27T12:20:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of the lovely and talented Catherine Graham

some things are just awesome.

2006-03-16T10:59:00.000-08:00

this is one of those things

Business trip to Calgary

2006-03-14T11:18:00.000-08:00

Continuing my corporate assault on western Canada, today I will be traveling to Calgary. I think of Calgary as "The Prince George of Alberta."

These are my colleagues.

They have offered to take me out to rope calves, and then we are going to shoe horses. Apparently, that is how business gets done in Alberta! I will have to be sure to bring my spitoon.

See you Wednesday.

yads here!

2006-03-14T10:46:00.000-08:00

yads' message to americans!

The Wilson Moot, 2006

2006-03-08T23:23:00.000-08:00

Ah, yes, it's here again kids!

The big Wilson Moot 2006.

This young, attractive team from Queen's University has to be your hands down favourite, with inspiration coming from the scholarly guidance of Professor Kathleen Lahey (pictured above). Also undeniable has been the influence of chief researcher/irrepressible scamp Catherine Graham (pictured below). Graham's wily book smarts combined with Lahey's street fighting prowess make this year's K-Town contingent your team to beat.

Add to that the potential appearance of such Limestone City luminaries as Associate Dean Arthur Cockfield and legendary heartthrob Dave Suchon, and this has all the makings of a classic.

But remember, kids... What happens at the Wilson Moot, STAYS at the Wilson moot.

I am headed to Prince George on official business.

2006-03-06T10:30:00.000-08:00

I am quite excited because I have never been to Prince George, or as it is more commonly known, "The Las Vegas of Northern British Columbia."

Mr PG was first constructed in 1960 as a symbol of the importance of the forest industry to Prince George. That year he took part in the Prince George May Day parade and could speak and bow. In 1961 he was entered in the Kelowna Regatta and the Vancouver PNE Parade and also traveled to Smithers. Two years later, he entered the 1963 Grey Cup parade.

Today Mr PG stands erect and silent at the junction of Highway 97 and Highway 16 but still welcomes all visitors to a Prince George that owes much to the forest industry.

Mr PG is 8.138 meters high, his head is 1.5 metres in diameter.

See you Wednesday.

Harlem vs. Open Sundaes Canucks, 9 pm, Burnaby

2006-03-04T11:04:00.000-08:00

a brother never forgets.

this ain't nothing.

2006-02-26T23:20:00.000-08:00

this is something

hit on the "the big finale" link when you get there.

eagles.

2006-02-26T22:23:00.000-08:00

thanks be to the east coast for hosting us in epic fashion for the past ten days.
here's what we like about eagles.

1. their colour

2. the they way they soar.

3. their majesty.

4. what they stand for!

and also...

east coast vs. west coast

2006-02-15T09:24:00.000-08:00

t- minus 24 hours to lift off.

Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards

2006-02-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

As I sit here watching pairs rhythmic luge, I find myself yearning for a simpler time in Olympic history, a time when Eddie the Eagle captured our hearts and some serious air time.

Speaking of Olympic champions, I scaled the podium a couple of times at the Jolly Alderman last night. Drunk bar trivia may only be a demonstration sport this year, but I'll see you in Vancouver in 2010, bitches.

Harlem vs. Tigers Sunday @ 5:30pm North Shore

2006-02-09T11:41:00.000-08:00

you know what that means...

bad news for the tigers, y'all.

RECALL DAVID EMERSON.

2006-02-08T14:18:00.000-08:00

go to http://www.PetitionOnline.com/RDE/ and sign the petition.

please pass this on to all the democracy fans you know.

trois freres magnifiques!

2006-02-07T15:15:00.000-08:00

yes, we are three brothers.

we dip our toes in the mighty pacific.

we make plays so beautiful that our opponents begin to weep.

apparently, we all work at 'medieval times' restaurant.

brotherly love is the greatest love of all.

meanwhile, up on brokeback...

2006-02-06T18:20:00.000-08:00

like bogart and bacall, or brad and angelina, there is something here too powerful to ignore.

"ain't nobody's business but our own."

pretty girls.

2006-02-06T18:00:00.000-08:00

oh yeah.

cabin fever, y'all.

2006-02-06T17:18:00.000-08:00

east coast.

i once again reccommend taking PRE - game "friendly" photos.
unless you WANT photos of a bloodied, beaten, and demoralized crew.

just a thought. keep it real.

little lord fauntleroy

2006-02-06T16:02:00.000-08:00

around the house recently we have taken to calling arns little lord fauntleroy. he likes it. this picture is how he feels when we call him that.

What's that smell? DEMOCRACY!

2006-02-06T14:52:00.000-08:00

In a stunning slap in the face to all constituents in the Vancouver-Kingsway riding, recently re-elected (and photogenic, don't you think?) Liberal M.P. David Emerson has decided to cross the floor and join Stephen Harper and friends. This despite having been elected as a Liberal only TWO WEEKS AGO. Ah yes, democracy at work.